Shhh! Don’t Tell Them How To Fix Their Eyes!

I’m not joking. Don’t tell anybody how to fix their eyes.  Maybe don’t even tell them that you’re improving yours.   The maximum allowable unsolicited eyesight talk has to be one sentence, or less.  You […]

Jake Steiner

Jun 22,2016 · 3 min read

I’m not joking.

Don’t tell anybody how to fix their eyes.  Maybe don’t even tell them that you’re improving yours.  

The maximum allowable unsolicited eyesight talk has to be one sentence, or less.  You don’t want to be that guy going on and on about a thing you are passionate about, and everybody forced to listen could care less.  Don’t be that guy.

One sentence, max, that’s it.  

“Ah yea, I used to think nerd goggles treat an actual health condition, too.”  

Extra points for dry sarcasm, and being short and vague.  

Think about what impresses people, what makes people curious.  For example, I get a fair amount of contact with obscenely wealthy people.  The least interesting is the one with the solid gold Rolex, who go on and on and on about his business, and his house in Saint Maarten, and how Hawker jets are low altitude, distance limited piles of crap.  “Lear or stay home, man”.

He’s just excited that he made it to that level.  Unfortunately he doesn’t know how to share that excitement, without sounding like an utter douchebag.

In contrast, the most interesting is the one with the tattered jeans, the unkempt hair, the flip flops, wearing a rare Richard Mille watch that only the savviest of savvy know must have cost at least a half a million dollars (and how on earth did he even get it anyway).  You point to the watch and go, “hey that couldn’t possibly be the …”.  He just smirks and goes back to whatever you were discussing before.  You won’t get to know about the watch unless you really press about it, which you’ll have to be genuinely curious about to go through the trouble for.

You have to make it a game.  People hate, hate obviousness.  We’re like small children, more than we like to admit.  Think of women’s clothing.  It’s all about suggestion.  Showing enough to make you want to see more.  

The moment you give people as much as they ask for, you loose.  If you give them more than they ask for, well … then you’re past loosing.

You’re improving your eyesight?  The absolute best you can do it find sneaky ways to get people to realize it, and then be evasive.  Honestly, the moment you start explaining, the moment you put out more net words in any answer relative to the net words of the question, people stop paying attention.  And then you’re just the weirdo with your weird myopia obsession.

I was once in a cafe with a student.  Her friend shows up.  The student intrudes me like this:  “Meet Jake, my eye guru.”  She was rather quite proud of the association, and it showed.

How do you think that interaction went?

I never told the friend anything.  She kept asking, hey how do you become an eye guru.  What does an eye guru do, anyway?  Did you live in India?  Do you have, like, special powers?

Omm shanti, kittehs.

The video edit of this topic:

secrets-ytb

Like, subscribe, all the things.

And if you feel bummed and don’t want to keep secrets, use the *forum*.  Lots of like minded and in-the-know participants there who love to talk about improving their eyesight.  Just like I channel all my desire to talk about the topic onto this site, keep your enthusiasm among like minded friends.  ;)

Cheers,

-Jake

WRITTEN BY

Jake Steiner

Reformed stock trader. Kite surfer, pilot, vagabond. Father. And of course - the last of the living, imaginarily bearded eye gurus.

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