Teh Astigmatizms: Retail Optometry Bets That You’re Retarded

And if they're right, then you'll give them money.  What an awesome business! Yes, astigmatism is (largely) a thing created by retail optometry.[...]

Jake Steiner

Sep 06,2018 · 3 min read

And if they’re right, then you’ll give them money.  What an awesome business!

Yes, astigmatism is (largely) a thing created by retail optometry.  If you’re not new here and already understand basic vision biology, then this may come as no surprise.  Getting “your eyes checked” is the most basic sales ploy of all sales ploys.  You could literally have 20/15 vision without glasses, and you’ll STILL be sold something:

The f*ckwittery of retail optometry truly knows no bounds.

It’s almost as if somebody out there set up the planet’s largest trolling.  “Hey let’s see how much of this the sheeple will fall for.”

A lot, apparently.  People are gullible to no end.

Yea, bro.  You gots tehms astigmatizms.  Here’s some glasses which even though they’re just clear curved plastic, totally cost $500.  You can trust us bro, just look at all this equipment.  All this checkup hocus-pocus we got going on here.  Look at my labcoat, bro.  Look at my certificates on the wall.  You bro have teh astigmatizms, no question about it.  $500 glasses (that totally aren’t like $3 wholesale).

You tell me if you want to trust somebody who marks up clear pieces of plastic by 5.000 percent.  

Or maybe just tell me what level of foolery it takes for somebody to believe that a. piece. of clear. plastic. could conceivably cost five. hundred. dollars.

We are a collectively dumb species, darlings.  Can’t be mad.

Dumb but we don’t have teh astigmatizms.  At least not till the genius lens sellers get a hold of us:

Took a slightly less half witted guru to uncover all of this.

There is literally absolutely no way at all to dispute this, if you employ logic, reasons, and the reality of human vision biology.

It hurts a guru’s feelings, darlings.  Not even a bare minimum of sagely wisdom required to debunk the whole astigmatism nonsense.  You spend an hour reading up on basic vision biology, you go to an optometrist and see how they “test” your vision, and you have to go, oh.  

OH.  Damn, is this retarded or what.  

Don’t feel bad.  Ole’ Beardly has a whole folder of stupid, kittehs.  A folder full of the collective affront that is retail optometry.

It’s full of peer reviewed studies (a lot of them in the science section of the blog here), internal documents detailing that they full well know that glasses are the root cause of progressive myopia, hundreds of people’s e-mails (thousands, more like) discussing all sorts of levels of what’s clearly malpractice, and more shameless sales ploys than a used car dealer convention.

Please don’t let them get away with it.  Don’t be another sheeple, wearing “$500” clear curved pieces of plastic over your eyes, while mumbling durrrr hurrr I don’t mind, durrrrrrr, the doctor must be right, durrr.

Proverbial wool, all of it.

Find the self respect to get your vision back, and quit giving retail optometry your money.  It’s easy enough.  A little effort to learn basics, adjust your habits, quit passively depending on every last bit of artificial focal plane.  And a bit of getting your screen addiction under control.

Spread the word too, in case any of your friends aren’t content to be fooled out of their very own eyesight.




Jake Steiner

Reformed stock trader. Kite surfer, pilot, vagabond. Father. And of course - the last of the living, imaginarily bearded eye gurus.

Topic:  Astigmatism