Eye yoga eye exercises to improve your eyesight, right here. Om shanti, kittehs.
This post is mainly for those who may stumble across this page while searching for eye yoga exercises, hoping for some mystical Indian ritual to improve their eyesight.
First of all, yoga is bullshit.
Of course I don’t mean that. Stretching is great, I hate it passionately, but for sure it’s something that’ll benefit you. Rituals are nice, a process is nice, and even if the whole “ancient practice” story is completely and laughably bogus, even recent inventions have plenty of merit. I’d give yoga a thumbs up, even if quietly snickering at all the California white girl “yogi” instructors and their adorable cringe fest ‘namaste’ greetings of pretend-convenience-IKEA-spiritual consumerism.
Disclaimer: Nothing but love for California yoga girls obviously. Jakey at one point had a California yoga instructor girlfriend, which was all definitely a good thing. Even enjoyed yoga and met people who weren’t self-imagined elitists about their vegan, gluten free spiritual Californian superiority.
But let’s honestly offer some clues about the merits of eye yoga:
Eye Yoga Is For Suckahs
Feel free share some of the LOLZ with anyone imagining being a bright white starchild whilst telling you about your spiritual problems and how eye yoga will fix them.
Tell them, hey get rid of your iPhone and Apple watch and hundred dollar yoga pants, if you’re such an earthchild of spirituality. Go walk around barefoot and eat rice sitting on the floor and poop in an outhouse and don’t have an Instagram account. Do that for a couple of decades and then fine, share spiritual insights when you actually earned some.
And sure I’d do yoga if it was just nice stretchy bits, and not also an infestation of all that complete 5th grader mental level of self deluded hypocrisy. A just-yoga, without spreading any sort of spiritual chakra fascism and quiet whispery talk and also dudes way too in touch with themselves.
Yes, just as you always suspected. Jakey makes for a terrible guru.
Except if you just want 20/20 eyesight and you’re ok with getting the om-shanti fluff elsewhere separately. If you don’t want a pile of nonsensical eye exercises and pseudo-whack-biological explanations, and buying mystical eye vitamins and being preached to about the dubious wisdoms of some long-dead guy.
Eye Yoga Exercises FTW
Truly anyone, no matter who they are, suggesting eye movement for improving eyesight, they are a 100% complete moron.
You’re thinking, come on. Don’t be so harsh.
But do consider the facts. Think of the plain silliness of someone who doesn’t understand even the most basic principle of what extra-ocular muscles do (they move the eye around in the socket, nothing more). They don’t understand that intra-ocular muscles (the ciliary which is responsible for focus) aren’t affected in any way by eye movement. It’s so far beyond just simply accidentally idiotic, when someone is mentally incapable or unwilling to invest literally five minutes to look at an eye visualization on Google images and realize that rolling eyes will do nothing for myopia.
Of course we all go through phases. Yoga wouldn’t have caught on if it didn’t connect with our desire for something on that level.
But while it’s a nice stretching exercise and a quick escape from your photo getting no likes on Instagram, it won’t fix multi diopter myopia.
So, what does then – fix myopia?
Eye Yoga Alternatives
You got optometrists on one side telling you that myopia is a genetic illness while trying to sell you lenses. And on the other side the fruitloops telling you about Bates (think ice pick lobotomies and horse poop in the streets) and yogic eye movements.
No wonder that meanwhile the myopia epidemic is exploding, since it’s really just a symptom of the larger problem of humanity – the one about most of us being mostly pretty stupid.
Here’s VanJakenbergen explaining the problem with eye yoga exercises, in video format:
Like the imaginary beard always says – if you want to change anything, you have to understand it first.
As long as you’re operating without even a basic sense of what the biology does, then anyone can sell you anything. If you’re lazy or trusting to a point where you’re ok with that, then you’re probably wearing glasses – potentially while also chanting om-shanti and rolling your eyeballs.
You don’t have to be a malcontent like uncle Jake to get to 20/20 eyesight. Just be curious, ask questions, don’t be lazy, and don’t let emotions alone guide your decisions.
You want to read lots of this blog, and the how-to guides, and the diopter discussions, and the science section, and come to some rational, logical conclusions. And then you’ll be able to actually chose whether you want to roll your eyes, or just improve your actual eyesight.